smileybarry replied to your post: I’m not sure if I’ve ment…
This. So much this. They’re like a gay guy’s kryptonite!
Yes, this is exactly true. However, there is more to it.
The thing I hear the most when I express frustration at the pointlessness of finding straight guys (or, rather, guys who fit the template of your standard heterosexual cismale dudebro) attractive is that I deserve this frustration because I don’t “just go after other gay guys”.
Yet, they so often forget that there is simply no mechanism by which we can pick out which ones are gay/straight, even if I were to go up and out and out ask. (Notwithstanding the social and safety implications.)
Further, not everyone is even out to anyone but themselves (if even that), nor would they be comfortable announcing it in some public fashion for fear of reprisal from the people around them.
I also think the concept of a “gaydar” is a farce because manifestations of sexual orientation, gender expression, and masculinity/femininity are as varied as they come, and there’s no one-size-fits-all for determining orientation by looks or mannerisms alone.
I realize straight people don’t always have it easy when it comes to finding partners either, but at least they don’t have a layer of social subterfuge to deal with on top of the usual “he likes me, he likes me not” questions.
Lastly, it certainly doesn’t help that my “type” is precisely the type that defines the archetypal “straight dude”. This does not speak well for my future dating prospects.